When I first saw this band name, my immediate thought was, “This is a really nice thing to see in print. If you’re an alcoholic. And your liver is failing. And you’re reading the classifieds. Or craigslist.”

Young Livers are a really great punk rock band from Gainesville, Florida. The first time I went to Florida I was like 10-years-old. As it turns out, you have to be 12-years-old to ride a Go-Kart by yourself in Florida. So my Dad and I lied about my age, and I belted into the finest motor vehicle an Abe Lincoln can buy. I was pretty freaked out and disillusioned already, because my Dad had just encouraged me to break the rules. But then, as I was about to move forward to the starting line, the Go-Kart attendee approached me and said: “If you crash this thing, I will fucking kill you, B.” What followed was definitively the slowest, most reserved Go-Kart ride ever performed. I finished last, but I finished in one solid piece. I proudly pulled up to my final position, and looked at the Go-Kart attendee for validation. He smiled, and told me to move it a bit closer to the car in front of me. I was not expecting this. My foot nervously found the gas and accelerated my car directly into the back of the Go Kart in front of me. I fearfully looked to the 15-year-old part-time teen-‘stached Go-Kart worker for his reaction. He gets real close to my face and mutters, “So what, I’m gon’ kill you now?” Suddenly my Dad walks up, in his trademark socks and sandals and yells, “Good race, chum!” The attendee quickly snaps back into his eight dollar an hour persona, and shakes my father’s hand. If he needs my Young Liver, he’s not getting it. That drunk Go-Karting bastard. (Aaron Zorgel)

CD, No Idea, www.noidearecords.com

DOC WUZ HERE

Most people know ~
Cake is more pricey than bread ~
But this next figure didn’t ~
And it cost her a head ~