“Ten Reasons That The Pixies Might Just Be Better Than The Beatles”, “The Beaver Fact Sheet” (“Main predators: The Leopard, Car”), a report on a Bigfoot encounter in Algonquin Park (uh, wouldn’t that be a Sasquatch?) and, finally, my favourite piece, “The Fall’s Mark E. Smith – A Psychological Profile.” This piece starts with the dour rock star’s purported attempt to choke his mother when he was three, and moves on to document his various psychological problems using pseudo-psychological language so we get “The Fall sucks because Mark is tone deaf and has a tendency to inappropriately elongate last syllables of his lyrics. Mark is a heavy drinker, which maybe a factor in the gradual diminishing of his intelligence.” Anyway, it’s actually funnier than that. So there. (Hal Niedzviecki)
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