Darryl’s Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival

sharpener:

Darryl’s Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival

By Broken Pencil

Last fall a few hundred people in teased wigs and body oil gathered at the Bloor Cinema in Toronto to watch dirty movies. It was a different kind of film festival, mostly because you could drink in the theatre and there were free condoms. Here are some of the gems from the 10th year of the fest.

Top Heavy

A festival favourite and possible Best Of, this one upped the ante on ‘ridiculous’ so far that the only possible reaction was puff-faced hysteria. Three pairs of breasts shimmy and shake to old-timey circus music while someone off-screen throws bologna at them and squirts them with mustard. Using Super 8film was the perfect final touch, making the whole thing seem like an embarassing rainy-day-at-summer-camp project from a more liberal era.

Mmilk

Where Top Heavy scored comedy points for running awkwardly long, Mmilk’s strength lies in its punchline-directed brevity. A computer-generated Ann Darrow readies herself for her lover’s visit. Here he comes, King Kong, hurling himself at his mistress’s penthouse window. I mean literally, here he comes. Ann is knocked back on the bed by the milky spray, while the King collapses with satisfied exhaustion onto the street below. Hot.

Happy F-day

A clown named Porno, wearing garter belts and a pimp coat, wanders through an apartment that looks disturbingly like an after-school arts centre talking about Father’s Day. When a look-a-like comes to his door claiming to be his son, Porno launches into a public service announcement about “playing safe.” This film is proof that one man’s funny is another’s repulsive– hearing Porno whine the word withdrawal made me feel dirty.

Boob

A man approaches the Advanced Centre for Mammoplasty on a snowy afternoon, carrying a silicone breast implant in a case. Inside the operating room, a pale grinning doctor makes his incision. It should have gone smoothly, it was a routine procedure– but nobody knew what kind of boob they were dealing with.

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