Folio: Lover’s Spit Zine

Folio:

Lover’s Spit Zine

Broken Pencil exclusive excerpt!! One man’s dangerous journey through the murky metaphysics of Canada’s Most Secretive, Dynamic, Dystopic and Possibly soon to be Defunct Indie Band Broken social scene

By Anonymous

The following excerpts are from a shocking zine (printed in a numbered edition of 4 copies) sent to us in an unmarked envelope. An enclosed letter indicated that the author, a long time and clearly obsessive fan of Toronto based band collective Broken Social Scene, felt it was his duty to bring this material to the attention of the world as soon as possible. He has, apparently, since fled the country having attained much of the following using a variety of illegal measures including wiretaps, robbery, and dumpster diving in the garbage bin next to Emily Haines’s downtown condominium.

The zine chronicles the author’s obsession with the band and its members even as he uncovers hidden documents and notes scribbled on napkins that depict, as he writes in the zine, “the insular self destruction at the heart of the world’s greatest rock band.” On the next page, he’s affixed a single strand of hair, included as a kind of metaphorical protest against the individualism breaking up the band. About the mysterious hair he writes that’s it’s “a majestic strand of Lisa Lobsinger’s angel pasta hair or possibly Emily’s, but it’s too long.” Lobsinger, the author goes on to note, has been linked–at least in the studio–with Cookie Monster, a move he believes is in response to band member “Leslie Feist’s perverse union with Elmo” which “threatens to precipitate the collapse of Canadian indie rock, the Polaris Prize, the Halifax Pop Explosion, and quite possibly children’s television as we know now it.”

We at Broken Pencil hesitate to verify the accuracy of the information contained in Lover’s Spit Zine. But we will say that the author’s intimate knowledge of the band’s members and oeuvre, as well as his inclusion of documentary evidence, suggests a haunting veracity. Particularly convincing are scraps of text that seem to have been deleted from the upcoming book This Book is Broken (House of Anansi Press) “a comprehensive oral history of Broken Social Scene penned by members of the band.” Also seemingly real are track lists and other evidence representing limited edition not yet released Broken Social Scene Presents side projects that, according to the author, have been actively suppressed by band member Leslie Feist’s cabal of furry friends and their high priced Los Angeles agent.

Warning: some of this material may be disturbing. As such, we urge the members of BSS, as well as the author of this anonymous zine, to get the help they so clearly need.

Chapter 49: A Broken Sesame

The band is gearing up for another nervous breakdown. Six members have quit and another two are phoning in their meltdowns. Demands, proposals, counterproposals and manifestos are circulating through cyberspace, passing each other like trains in the night traveling the tracks in opposite directions. It’s just another day on BSS island. The first ladies of Broken Social Scene -and perennial Miss Indie Rock favorites — Emily Haines and Feist were BFF during their BSS days, but recent years have found them living on different continents, dating different species, and crossing over to different audiences.

Leslie Feist: He was so adorable, and generous. Really generous. We exchanged numbers because for me it was really, really, really, really, really rare to meet another creature who could, like, just get to the real me. This world is so crazy! I remember we were both saying how we’d both never had the chance to play with the number 4 before, like you know, just play, not have to try to force it into a box or make number 4 something different or better or whatever. We were both like “Yeah! You get it!”

Emily Haines: I think that 90% of women who are successful in rock’n’roll are usually fucking bitches.

The guy who plays triangle in the corner behind the other drummer:We’re all hooking up with those fucking cutesy puppets. Kevin is recording with Snuff (That’s My Snuff…) Lisa is with Cookie, Emily is with Ernie and Bert, things are really fucked up.

The guy who plays the clarinet: With this collective you know, we kind of accomplished so many amazing things, and now what we want to do next is expand our sound.

 

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