HEAVY-METAL THUNDER!

By: Mari Sasano

FUBAR! FUBAR! FUBAR! FUBAR! A writhing crowd of about 50 are in front of a stage, worshiping at the foot of Thor and his minions. It’s a Monday night at the New City Suburbs, one of Edmonton’s precious and few fun spots, and we’re filming a music video. Local film collective 378 Productions (Anthony “Scott” Burns, Steven Hope and Chris LaRiviere), and Michael Dowse, Calgary-based director of the headbanger mockumentary FUBAR, are running the show, and it’s a nonstop riot of weirdness.

Dowse’s movie was a freak midnight hit at Sundance this January, and it continues to reverberate in a newly fomenting scene best described as headbanger new-wave. The movie is a deliriously funny digital video project starring Calgary actors Paul Spence and David Lawrence as a couple of unreconstituted headbangers, livin’, lovin’, and especially drinkin’ their way out of a crisis. Dowse included a couple old Thor tracks in the film and Thor, in response, wrote the song, “FUBAR is a Super Rocker” especially for the soundtrack.

Smoke machines are putting out the ambiance, it’s time to roll! The band isn’t even plugged in, but the extras manage to rock out in spite of their supper-hour sobriety. Bodies are packed tight against the stage, arms flailing wildly so all we see are devil-horns and fists pumping in the air. Mostly, these are the curious who’ve come out to see who this Thor guy is, but it’s easy to have fun in this campy metal-kitsch set. They remain enthusiastic for more and more FUBAR.

The band is clad in leather straps, giant platform boots, spandex and codpieces, with the exception of Ani the guitar player who is, in a word, STACKED and not shy about it. She gets to wear a nice vinyl bustier thing. The bass player’s got this hand-carved bat bass, very apropos. Thor himself is massive: a giant really, with the classic headbanger longhair look– extensions, glued in especially for the video. He’s arrived with his usual bag of tricks. During a typical Thor concert he will wield hammers, swords, wear a number of masks, bend a steel bar with his teeth, and blow up a rubber hot water bottle until it explodes. Long-lost video footage from his 80’s glory days show brawny assistants breaking cinder blocks on his chest with a sledgehammer but now that he’s a little bit older, Thor no longer attempts that particular stunt. Regardless, the live performance doesn’t lack spectacle.

The release of FUBAR in the spring marked the intrepid Thor’s comeback. Being involved with FUBAR is part of the string of serendipitous events that form this brotherhood in the midst of Thor. “Things happen by chance, by luck,” Thor declares, “On my last tour I met the FUBAR guys in Calgary, and the 378 boys in Edmonton. It’s all a part of a road I’m following, the coming-together of various vortices.”

Thor often speaks in such divine superlatives. Offstage, he drops the Metal God schtick, but he has some trouble dropping the lingo. It’s a peculiarity that would seem grandiose except that it’s big ol’ Jon Thor talking to you. Whenever he talks about his current projects, his eyes get all big with this big goofy grin, like a kid. He’s just so damn friendly.

You might remember Thor as the iconic Eighties bodybuilder-turned heavy-metal god behind such memorable songs as “Keep the Dogs Away,” and “Anger,” (“anger is my middle name”). Once upon a time, Thor was featured in such B-movie classics as Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare and Recruits. Now, after a 12 year retirement, he has a new CD, Triumphant, plus two movie projects in the works.

At New City, the crowd revs up for the 18th performance of “FUBAR is a Super Rocker”. Michael Dowse, busy directing the video, takes time out to talk about Thor. “He’s really inspirational. Every time I talk to him, the more I want him on the soundtrack.”

But Thor is more than just inspirational window dressing. Having him on the soundtrack reminds us how large that headbanger ethos loomed in our cultural formation. With mostly Canadian metal covers done by youngsters like The New Pornographers, Chixdiggit, Sloan and Sum 41, Thor provides contrast and acts as a pithy reminder of our roots. With Thor on hand, the soundtrack lets us better assess the legacy of metal simplicity, an era that eventually ceded to plaid shirts and irony. Metal is unironic, and the headbanger is the slacker of the working class, if that makes any sense. Infused with irony or not, Fubar seems to have inspired new connections and directions for both metal and the seemingly long done career of Thor: During a recent gig, the New Pornographers covered a Thor tune as their final encore.

Meanwhile, those 378 boys have been copping Thor’s moves and following his recent comeback ever since they ran into a copy of the original Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare years ago. Having been fans for so long, they decided to create a mock-up trailer for a sequel to Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare. Thor was so impressed, he’s now in development for Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare Part 2: The Intercessor, and has a key role in Forever and After, 378’s independent feature in progress.

“These guys give me new ideas,” Thor says, “like the album cover [designed by 378’s Steve Hope] or the character in Forever and After.” The art for Triumphant is a close-up depiction of Thor, for once, out of character — a significant departure from the usual Norse god fantasy paintings that have been the style from the beginning. The CD also includes “Stormbringer”, a track mixed by Pilotpriest, AKA Scott Burns who has also been throwing in his remix of “Keep the Dogs Away” on his DJ nights.

“They push me in different directions as an actor. It’s not really a lead role like in my Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare days, it’s more humble, like Of Mice and Men.”

Thor may be humbled, but he still manages to get into trouble. Earlier, the band, Dowse and LA-import cinematographer Alex were kicked out of the Alberta Place Suite Hotel for filming in the swimming pool. I get a telephone call at 8:30 AM about a “serious situation,” since it is I, the production manager, who booked the rooms.

“Wha?” I ask. “Did someone get hurt? Is anyone in danger?”

“They were filming without authorization,” says the manager. “I want these people out of their rooms today and I don’t want to deal with this any longer.”

“Fine,” I say, eager to get back to bed. Besides, we’ve had a plan B all this time, which is a Thor-themed pajama party at the 378 studio. They really should have asked permission, but boys will be boys. Anyway, Alberta Place Suite Hotel is notorious for being assholes. A couple of years ago they were agitating for shutting down a couple of excellent downtown nightclubs because of the noise. Duh, the first 5 floors of the hotel are parking lot, who’s gonna hear anything? So next time you’re in Edmonton, don’t stay there. Stay at the Econolodge.

Anyhow. The concept of the video is “Thor’s busy day,” starting with the guy waking up, kicking his two women out of bed, working out, playing sports, going to the office and then playing his gig. Accompanying him are his two lackeys, Terry and Dean, the two headbanger dudes from the movie. These guys are always in character. They could be a couple of northside Edmonton fellas with their rolled up sweatpants, mesh ballcaps and muscle tees. This is ‘banger verite.’

Thor’s clearly the star here, but eager Terry and Dean are there with wind machines, hammers, steel rods and muffins at the ready. “What the fuck, Thor? What the fuck?”

Earlier attempts to do some shooting at West Edmonton Mall’s indoor Waterpark are thwarted by their media relations “team”. They ask for thousands of dollars and an exact storyboard. Whatever! Thor is fronting much of the cash himself, most of it going to Mr. LA (who, to his credit, turns out to be worth the cost). So, we improvise. Who wants to go to the Golfdome, Edmonton’s indoor driving range? Valhalla! Thor does! Who wants to play racquetball at the Y? In the name of Odin! Thor! Someone’s dad’s house? Then there is the aforementioned hotel swimming pool. The footage from that forbidden location is pure gold, as is the stuff taken on the sly in the hotel boardroom and hallways.

It’s a good thing all of this is shot without location sound, since anyone lucky enough not to be holding a camera is peeing themselves laughing as the FUBAR dudes take wild slapshots at the Golfdome.

Nice work if you can get it. The CD is out and is getting some radio play and good reviews including a 4.5/5 rating on www.metal-rules.com. The video, now complete, has been on MuchMusic. Forever and After is just about wrapped, and pre-production for The Intercessor is gaining momentum. Next: world domination. It’s the new millennium and even demi-gods surf the net, so Thor has a new website, thorcentral.com, that he describes as “one big powerful force melded together.”

Having been outside the entertainment industry for so many years, one would expect Thor to be jaded, even bitter. He obliquely refers to some bad business decisions and previous intrigues, things that led to showbiz-free life for over a decade. Things that might keep a weaker, less dedicated man down. Not Thor. Thor gushes with eager appreciation for his comeback, and is ready to give credit to the young whippersnappers surrounding him.

“Obviously these are my boys. Those guys are amazing, they all have big futures in entertainment, not just movies. It’s film, music, design and new media. Any way I can help I’m gonna do so.” You might think he’s just being polite, but check out the liner notes for the album: first to be thanked, “with honor,” are the FUBAR crew and the 378 boys.

“I’ve been working on the comeback for the last two years. It’s all fun.”

Whatever happens in the future, for now Thor is back! From out of the depths of time, a metal god stirs from the slumber of ages. Bursting out from the gates of Valhalla is the triumphant return of legendary rock warrior Thor! Bring the thunder!

Mari Sasano is an Edmonton-based writer and bass player for Mr. Relaxer. http://automatic.cx/mrrelaxer

Thor’s FUBAR comeback vortex