E C Press Release Brussels, Belgium

Having chosen English as the preferred language in  the EEC (now officially the European Union or EU),  the European Parliament has commissioned a  feasibility study on ways of improving efficiency  in communications between Government  departments.  European officials have often pointed out that  English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example:  cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What  is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes  to iron out these anomalies. The programme would,  of course, be administered by a committee staff at  top level by participating nations.  In the first year, for example, the committee  would suggest using ‘s’ ihstead of the soft ‘c’.  Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve  this news with joy. Then the hard j’c’ could be  replased by ‘k’ sinse both letters are pronounsed  alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in  the minds of klerical worker$, but typewriters kould  be made with one less letter.  There would be growing enthusiasm in the  sekond year of the programme with the  announsement that the troublesome ‘ph’ would  henseforth be written ‘ft. This would mlake  ‘fotograph’ twenty persent slhorter in ¡print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new  spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where  more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments would enkourage the removal of  double letters which have always been a deterent  to akurate speling.  We would al agre that the horiblemes of silent  ‘e’s in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould  drop thes and koninu; to read and writ as though  nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four  years sins the skem began and peopl would be  reseptiv to changes sutsh as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’.  Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on  by V , visht is, after al, half of ‘w’. Shortly after zis,  ze unesesary ‘o’ kould be dropd from words  kontaining ‘ou’. Similar changes vud of kors be  aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.  Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud  eventuli hav a reli sensi bl riten sty I. After tventi yers  zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun  vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of  ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

from Searching for Delicious 

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