Deathmatch 2015 Quarterfinals Round 1

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Mar2015Deathmatch Moderator

Martha Tuff fought the good fight in Deathmatch 2011. Since then she’s moved back to the east coast and is currently working on a short story collection about small town curses and talking animals. Her last published poem is about demolishing a library in Open Forgery (ohforgery.com) October 2014.

 

 

 

Step One: Read the stories.
Step Two: Vote for your favourite. Repeatedly. You can vote once every hour.
Step Three: Sound off in the comments.
Step Four: Blog, tweet, tell all your friends – help your favourite author win!
Step Five: Repeat until an Ultimate Winner is declared and all others lie bleeding in the dust.

Click here for Deathmatch rules and regulations and for links to all the people and presses that have generously donated awesome prizes for our winner and runners-up. VOTE AND COMMENT BELOW! By commenting you agree to be signed up for Broken Pencil’s newsletter. You can unsubscribe at any time.

My Dog is Confucius (Yes, that Confucius)

by Jordan Moffatt
I always knew that my dog Tim the Tool Dog Taylor was a good boy but I had no idea that he was Confucius until one morning when he woke me up, put his paw on my arm and said, “A Gentleman must be strong and resolute, for his burden is heavy and the road is long.”Even though I was still groggy from sleep, I immediately noticed a change in his behaviour. First, there was the calm, measured tones that he was speaking in. Second, there was the fact that he was speaking.
“Huh?” I said.
“The asking of questions is in itself the correct rite,” he replied.
“I don’t understand.”

Read on...
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My Life as the Reincarnation of Dorothy Parker

by Talita Valle

I was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, in 1993, and I am the reincarnation of
Dorothy Parker. I know because when I was eight years old I dressed up as her
for Carnival. I wore my grandpa’s patent leather shoes, a Snow White dress, and
purple fake eyelashes. It’s not easy, let me tell you – I was born with the ego of
the wittiest woman in New York and the social skills of a pale little girl with the
depressive gene, in post-dictatorship Rio. I was nervous of the ocean, and
ingrained with the impulse to arrange my social life around tables – therefore my
prepubescent years were spent away in after-school excursions to the
McDonald’s at the mall.

Read on...
0vs0

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  6. DM Moderator Martha says:

    Congrats Talita!

    It was an epic battle! I learned much more about Jordan’s eating habits than I intended and I don’t think I will look at dogs or McDonald’s the same. Thank you Talita and Jordan for keeping us company, making us think outside the box and hoping we have been good enough people to not come back in the next life (round) as a malcontent teenager or misunderstood canine.

    Write on, m’lovelies!

  7. DM Moderator Martha says:

    Last hour and a half countdown! Tailta is in the lead but will she stay there?!? So exciting! The most exciting thing for nerd lits on a Sunday night for sure!

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      Great question, Dan.

      One year from now will be in the future, obviously, so I think it will be some kind of “future-food.” Much like it is impossible to imagine a fourth-dimensional hypercube in our three dimensional space, it is impossible to imagine what this “future-food” may consist of — though it might be sandwich-based.

    • Ry says:

      Hey Jordan, longtime, first-time.

      What do you think of mixing up your meals? Say eggs or pancakes for dinner or maybe cheesecake for brunch?

      Also I noticed you’re having gnocchi two nights in a row. Do you just love gnocchi or do you just have gno other side dishes?

      • Jordan Moffatt says:

        Great questions, Ry.

        I do often mix-up the first two meals of the day. I’ll have breakfast for lunch, and sometimes I’ll have pie for breakfast (cheesecake is a great idea). Dinner, however, usually remains dinner.

        I was anticipating this gnocchi question. I have a little bit left, and I feel like it’s best just to get it over with instead of waiting a few days. It’s easy to cook and fun to eat.

        Great pun, by the way — and that’s not a joke!

    • Ry says:

      I liked Talita’s story because I was a pretentious youth with dreams that the right amount of self-affected elitism would help assuage much deeper insecurities over my own social position among my peers. I too was the reincarnation of Dorothy Parker. Which isn’t a bad thing but eventually it’s nice just to be yourself.

      I liked Jordan’s story because it was irreverent and fun and I felt contained some wisdom about how we should reflect on the gifts of our life in these days of social networking and mass communication. I also like the visual of a dog in traditional Confucian court garb putting his paw on my leg while behind him is a small pool of puke. The dog’s head was slightly titled in my imagination.

      I’ve been voting for Jordan’s story because it made me laugh and I prefer to think about what I have now than who I was then. It was light and enlightening. Plus I still prefer wisecracker types.

  8. Harper says:

    Hi Talita,

    I am interested to know why you care so much about winning this contest. You are living in the UK, are you not? Why do you want a meeting with a Canadian literary agent and publisher?

    • Talita Valle says:

      The Deathmatch is an international contest and it’s had non-Canadian winners in the past. I’m sure a literary agent and publisher will be able to give me feedback regardless of where I live. In any case, I’m mainly interested in the “eternal glory” prize.

  9. Jordan Moffatt says:

    Tonight’s Ask Me Only About Dinner (AMOAD) will be at 7:45. Remember, this is the final AMOAD. Have your best dinner related questions ready at that time. Thank you.

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      I think it would be tough for them to be friends as teenagers and be in competition at the same time. Being a teenager is tough. I can see our stories reconnecting in their mid-twenties.

      • sara ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

        Oh yeah, I dig that. In high school, I used to compete with this other girl for parts in the school play, and also I think that we both had a crush on the same guy, but then we reconnected in our mid-20s, and it was like, whoa, let’s be good friends!

      • Same Henri says:

        I made sure to ask an hour early this time? Would you like to have dinner with me, Henri, in any form that pleases you, at some point in the future?

        Forever,
        The same admirer

        • Still the Same Henri says:

          I seem to have asked two questions by mistake. If you must answer one, I urge you to choose the second, as knowing if we could have dinner in the future is more important to me than knowing if I asked you a question an hour before lunch.

          Forever
          Admiring

  10. Hans says:

    Jordan I’m about to eat indian food. I would like to do so with my hands. How should I clean them before hand so my hands don’t taste like soap hands.

    – Hans

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      Great question, Connor.

      I don’t think there is one true ideal time of day for dinner; a good time for dinner is whenever it feels right. To answer the question most succinctly, the perfect time for dinner is dinner time.

      Today my dinner time is 6:15 because I will be too busy later.

      • Jordan Moffatt says:

        Hey Katy,

        Sorry I missed your question.

        Usually I would never answer a dinner related question outside of dinner time, but I’ll make an exception.

        I’m not really a soup guy, but when I do have soup it’s either tomato, butternut squash, or cream of broccoli. I haven’t branched out enough to say I have a favourite though.

  11. Talita Valle says:

    I might be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure Garfield is the reincarnation of Confucius AND Dorothy Parker in one. With Confucius involved the hatred is limited to just one day of the week.

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  12. Jordan Moffatt says:

    Bad news, guys: Not sure if I’ll be able to do an AMOAD tonight during dinner.

    However, I’ll be having tea with a friend at 3:20, so I’ll do an Ask Me About Having Tea With A Friend (AMAHTWAF) at 3:20. If you have any questions about having a tea with a friend, get ready to ask them at 3:20.

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  13. Burma says:

    Hey folks,

    I have a question for both of you JM and TV. But first I have to say that I didn’t like any of the stories…

    So the question is: how did you choose the tone of your stories? In my humble opinion, Jordan chose a witty yet foolish, Talita’s dramatic yet barely comic. But the real question is: HOW did you decide to season the story and tune it in this accurate way?

    Go straight to the point, please. No time for long explanations. Thank you!

    • Talita Valle says:

      Do you write? In my humble opinion anyone who says they ‘season’ and ‘tune’ their story in any way is either lying or is probably super weird and boring to have dinner with. I don’t choose the tone of my stories any more than I choose the tone of my days, they happen as a result of who I am, how I feel and what I value, this story is the best expression I could come up with at this point in my life of something I wanted to say. Any technique to writing fiction is just another tool to be incorporated into an almost subconscious arsenal of tools for just that – accurate expression. I’m not terribly interested in writing as only a craft. Also, I would add that not every story needs to be serious, and not every story needs to be funny.

  14. DM Moderator Martha says:

    Heya only three days left in this epic(ish) battle!

    At this point, we want y’all riled up and ready to fight for it!

    Otherwise, why wouldn’t you just submit your story to Reader’s Digest!?! Mawhaha!!!

  15. Talita Valle says:

    WHAT ARE YOU EATING AND WHY?
    CAN YOU USE CHOPSTICKS?
    I BET I’M BETTER AT USING CHOPSTICKS THAN YOU ARE
    I’M LIKE, AWESOME AT USING CHOPSTICKS OK
    HA TRY GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      Great questions.

      I’m having a burrito because I like them, because there is a burrito place nearby, and because I ate the dinner I packed for dinner for lunch.

      Yeah I can use chopsticks. I’m not, like, an all-star at it though.

      • Jordan Moffatt says:

        Back to work for me! Sorry if you didn’t get the chance to have your dinner question answered at tonight’s AMOAD. I’ll be doing this again tomorrow night, around dinner time.

  16. kmme says:

    Hi TV, a quick sideways curiostion mark about your story… How’d you come up with that title? Aren’t titles general difficult to invent? Did you ever consider calling it “untitled”—just seems like this word could speak largely to the narrator’s struggle?

    • Talita Valle says:

      It seems to be a controversial choice but I tend to go for titles that give as much of the story away as I can. I think it’s fair to the reader to let him know what’s going on in the story as soon as possible. Calling it “Untitled” definitely has a touch of pure genius to it but it also seems like an expert way of toying with the reader’s impression which is not my favourite style.

      • kmme says:

        Thanks for the thinkful reply words… I see we have very different language-buildin’/story-makin’ philosophies! Would be hella interesting if ours were headbonkers in the final round! Eeek.

  17. DM Moderator Martha says:

    In my writer’s group, we do an exercise where we delete the last paragraph of the story and see what happens. Often times, it makes the story stronger. What if we explored that idea here?

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      Alright, I have to get back to work.

      If you had some dinner questions that you didn’t get the chance to ask tonight, I will be eating dinner and answering questions about dinner again tomorrow (around dinner time).

      • Marley says:

        Hi Jordan,
        This is Marley, you know me well, I am your Nana’s dog. She read me your story and I found it very interesting. Tim, the Tool Dog is really something although I don’t have a clue who Confusis is. (Perhaps I should be called Marley, the Fool Dog) What’s in a name? I do know that very night I know when Jeopardy comes on (right after Wheel of Fortune). Does that make me a psychic? Nana and I are voting regularly!! Good luck! WOOF WOOF!!

        • Jordan Moffatt says:

          Thanks for the support, Marley.

          We’re down a few votes right now with a couple days left. Can you help out by asking all the other neighbourhood dogs of grandparents to vote? I’d appreciate it. Thanks man. Woof woof.

          -Jordan

  18. Jordan Moffatt says:

    Hey everyone. I’m currently eating dinner at work. If anyone wants to ask some dinner related questions, I can answer them for the next twenty minutes.

    Please, only questions about dinner.

  19. Talita Valle says:

    That’s the dilemma whenever using well-known anything (brands, TV shows, people) as shorthand for a whole cultural context. To try to spell it out can very easily come out as patronising the reader if they do know enough about it, but to decide not to can be alienating. Some of my Brazilian friends who’ve been sharing this story on Facebook included a link to the Wikipedia article on Dorothy Parker, because not as many Brazilian people have heard of her. I think it’s very easy today to google these references, especially if something’s intended to be read primarily online, the reading experience is very different. You can say it adds depth to the experience to include references that might need to be looked up, and a quick YouTube search of Marilyn Denis provides me with more context than anyone could ever include in a short story.

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  20. lala ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

    I find that the Dorothy Parker thing is interesting because it’s kind of like a mask for the writer. She falls back on this clever Dorothy Parker angle in a way that mirrors the way in which the character’s affectations or performances hide her insecurities.

      • Talita Valle says:

        Right, this takes me back to the conversation I was having with Martha about cultural shortcuts – Dorothy Parker is in my head a deep, multi-layered character and this story is as much about my interpretation of her as it is about my interpretation of my main character. The problem with what I did is that however shallow people’s ideas about Dorothy Parker are, that’s how shallow my story will seem to them. In a re-write I would definitely include more background to contextualise all the cutesy-seeming affectations.

        Then again, I would like to defend the whimsy factor at least partially: It IS important to me that this is not “just” a story about an annoying teenager. To place her awkwardness & confusion on the same timeline as those of a cultural and literary icon is a celebration of both the humanness of the icon and the grandness of the annoying teenager. The Oscar Wilde line was an attempt at highlighting that – two larger-than-life historical figures, and two sad little kids smoking oregano cigarettes merged into one image, one continuum that ridicules one extreme and validates the other, and brings them both to a central grey area that I would argue is closer to what people are actually like. No one is as big as an icon and no one is as small as a teenage cliche.

        • lala ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

          Again, if there was some level of awareness of this possible reading at the level of the narration, I think that it would actually improve the story!

        • lala ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

          Hmm, okay, so there is nothing self conscious about what I am noticing, I guess! On my first reading, the Dorothy Parker intertext rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like this reincarnation idea was just a way for you to incorporate these Parker-style affectations without having to do more work to show the contradictions in the personality of the central character. So, the intertext felt like a kind of clever mask – bordering on the gimmicky – that did a lot of work for you.

          On subsequent readings and with some Wiki-research, I am seeing more depth in this intertext, but the cutesy factor is still there. The Oscar Wilde line makes me cringe a bit, for example.

  21. DM Moderator Martha says:

    Specific mentions of Vine, MSN Messanger and the Marilyn Dennis show really highlights place and time for both stories. Would either of these stories work without these pop culture references?

    • Talita Valle says:

      Because they’re both about reincarnation, they both have a fundamental dynamics of an atemporal archetype (the sage, the wisecracker socialite) juxtaposed onto a specific time and place that is trivialised by the contrast – Confucius, who besides being a sage also evokes the specific cultural context of ancient China, in a dog body going on the Marilyn Dennis show; Dorothy Parker, who evokes a lot of stuff but mostly New York in the 20s etc., in a teenage girl body flirting on MSN. It is those contrasts that create most of the comic tension in both stories.

      • DM Moderator Martha says:

        Indeed – however could the time and place of Confucius and Dorothy Parker been highlighted more in the stories? How do you think someone who doesn’t know a lot about either of these figures interprets the story? While using well-known figures does allow the author to assume a certain level of insight from the reader, does that mean the author still shouldn’t provide a little bit more context?

  22. DM Moderator Martha says:

    These stories are neck and neck! Why should we choose your story? Why is yours better than your opponents? What will you do with the glory that is making it to the semi-finals?!?

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      I think people should vote for my story if they like me, like my story, and want to see more of both.

      I am open to suggestions on what to do with potential glory.

    • Talita Valle says:

      My story has malls in the 2000s, love at first sight at a school dance, and MSN Messenger. Jordan’s story does, however, have dog videos on Vine which are sort of the Super Trump of amazing things. So it’ll be up to the public to decide.

      If I win I promise to post a video of a cute cat chasing a laser pointer, though, just to make up for it. Vote for me!

  23. Talita Valle says:

    What are the differences in the way these two stories portray reincarnation? “Dorothy Parker” seems to reflect a strong sense of karma, whilst “Confucius” subverts at least traditional notions of it, by having a consecrated sage return as a dog. Is Confucius maybe trying to comment in the ways spirituality is changing by presenting this new idea of what a guru can be, and where he can show up?

      • Gordon says:

        You must be a very slow reader in every sense of the word to feel Drawn In by such a short and hopelessly shallow story. Having something of a soft spot for Confucius I was hoping for something a little deeper, or at least witty. Confucius in this story rreminded me of the poor actor in some sad fan photo, staring into the lens with get-me-out-of-here eyes. Did you use a calculator for the CAPTCHA, or just hit refresh until you got _+1 = 2?

    • Talita Valle says:

      You know how everyone has one disease they’re terrified of being diagnosed with? Cancer, diabetes, schizophrenia – mine is that some psychic will tell me I’m the reincarnation of Dorothy Parker. And just like I might have wasted days looking up early symptoms of AIDS on the internet, I started writing this story after spending an afternoon reading her biography, You Might As Well Live, and going “I knew it… she likes dogs… I LIKE DOGS”.

      Then inspiration struck me to turn my pain into art, etc.

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      I enjoy writing about things that I like. I read the Analects a couple months before I wrote this piece and I thought it was full of some great advice, some bizarre non-sequiturs, and a few good jokes. I liked it.

  24. kmme says:

    Just a small, yet severe, inqueriticism for JM: What compelled your fingers to end the story exactly there? I mean, might not the story’ve be even more complete without that last, quote-unquote, word: complaining? I’m not necessarily all about un-ending and inconclusions, but stopping at “without” just feels like a more believable, energetic bow to me…

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      Thanks for the input! I don’t think my opinion is any more valid, but I’ll give you my take since you took the time to ask for it.

      Maybe it’s just me, but for me, when the narrator says he cleaned up the puke “without complaining,” it demonstrates that he is still considered complaining — or at least considered that the minor offence of puking on the carpet merits complaint. He is not quite there in terms of perfect virtue.

      As Confucius says, “In unstinted effort I can compare with others, but in being a practicing gentleman I have had, as yet, no success.”

      • SuzyQ Who says:

        I like the ending. Once you have picked up dog puke with the poor thing looking at you like he just shot your best friend and is woofully sorry …. What more is there really to say.

      • kmme says:

        Thanks for the reply! I think my thought was a devilish version of DM’s later final-paragraph-excision idea. I get that the narrator needs to point out that he’s thinking about complaining in order to point out that he’s choosing not to complain, I just also get that I don’t like supreme tidiness in writing.

        For instance, imagine if the story, or narrator, stopped “speaking” after the line: “The mark of the benevolent man is that he is loathe to speak.” Yikes.

  25. F.N. ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

    I think that Tim the Tool Dog Taylor is a funny name for a dog, but it bugs me that the name seemingly has no relationship with the story at all. Why such a memorable name for the dog if it has no symbolic significance? Or maybe I just think it would be a better story if I could do something with this allusion to Home Improvement – in relation to Confucius, for example.

    • Jordan Moffatt says:

      For me, I don’t think names need to have symbolic significance. The only significance my name has in my life is that people say it to me when they are trying to get my attention. For example, “Hey Jordan!”

      It’s indicated in the opening line of the story that the narrator had the dog for a period of time before he began to speak like Confucius. Dogs are named before we get to know them on a more personal level.

      I hope that makes you feel better about the story. If it doesn’t, maybe we can have a discussion about adding a line where the narrator says to his dog, “I don’t think so Tim!” if I make it into the next round. Maybe that will give my story “more power!”

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      • F.N. ( User Karma: 416 ) says:

        Yes, in real life names don’t have symbolic significance, and I don’t even expect them to in most fiction, but this story could use some depth, I think. Like, maybe there could be some interesting connection between the dog’s TV name and his resistance to TV / celebrity / mass culture. Tim the Tool Man Taylor is a name that comes from Tool Time, a TV show within another TV show: sweet possibilities for you / be inspired by Home Improvement in all of its metafictional glory.

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  26. DM Moderator Martha says:

    Whoa votes are coming in and there is a bit o’ backlash re Mundis and yet there is still no blood and gore.

    But patience my pets. Methinks some prefer to kill with kindness.

    Methinks I like to say methinks and lavish in this temporary state of peace.

    • Talita Valle says:

      I’m a bit disappointed myself, I was hoping to see more people trying to analyse and challenge both stories. But it’s early stages. I’m still trying to get my head around the dynamics of this thing + understand how on Earth one of us always manages to stay 5-11 points ahead and never more than that at any given moment.

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  27. John Seanston says:

    Tim the Tool Dog Taylor story reminds me of “The Luger Is a 9mm Automatic Handgun with a Parabellum Action” by Jerrold Mundi, which is also a short story about a dog who talks philosophy while in the park.

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