Deathmatch 2013 Finals

Deathmatch Moderator

Hal Niedzviecki is the fiction editor and publisher of Broken Pencil Magazine. He is also the author of 8 books of fiction and nonfiction, most recently the collection of short stories Look Down, This is Where it Must Have Happened (City Lights, 2011).

 

 

 

 

Step One: Read the stories.
Step Two: Vote for your favourite. Repeatedly. You can vote once every hour.
Step Three: Sound off in the comments.
Step Four: Blog, tweet, tell all your friends – help your favourite author win!
Step Five: Repeat until an Ultimate Winner is declared and all others lie bleeding in the dust.

Previous Rounds: Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3 | Round 4 | Round 5 | Round 6

Click here for Deathmatch rules and regulations and for links to all the people and presses that have generously donated awesome prizes for our winner and runners-up.

Cardigan Blues - REWRITE

By Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah

We are those dudes. The muscle and the gavel, the Friday night lights. Together we run shit, because we can, because we have to. We brothers bound irrevocably by two parts popularity, two parts personality, and three parts fear, are the power at Eliot Becker High. If you haven’t spotted us already we wear cardigans.

Cardigans of every color, from heavy earth tones to summery pastels. We do wool cardigans over mock turtlenecks and cable-knit cardigans over button-ups, basic cotton cardigans over graphic tees or V-necks, cashmere cardigans to be fancy and, of course, for girls to feel on. Cashmere is made from the wool of goats raised way up in the mountains, it’s expensive, expensive and classy. We have class, so, on occasion, we wear cashmere. When we wear cashmere we let them know we’re wearing cashmere. We do not wear cardigans every day, but on any day, within the group, there are one or two cardigans. Trust.

Sixth period.

Read on...
vs

The Offbeat - REWRITE

By Jeanie Keogh

I belly-flop onto the king-size hotel bed. Tomorrow we are on the road at eight. Tonight is still in its package.

Rich is next door talking incoherently to himself. His words are sounds trying to stand on new legs. He gets into the shower and falls. I expect to hear expletives but there is only silence.

The door to his room is wide open. A Hansel-and-Gretel trail of clothes leads from the bed to the bathroom. Today’s music festival pass is hung over the bathroom mirror. He is lying naked in the tub, dead drunk. An umbilical feeling of concern curdles to accusation in my voice.

Read on...
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  52. Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah says:

    It might be a little late for me to be writing this but I just want to say that Jeanie you were an amazing competitor and the fact that our positions are not currently reversed regarding this competition is astounding to me. I really have no idea how we achieved what we did but, we did it. You and your supports should feel nothing but pride in how well you competed and how constant the support was.

    I want to thank the deathmatch for affording me this amazing chance to dance with wolves so to speak, to learn from other writers, to experience such a great amount of feedback in such a short amount of time. I have never been a part of anything like this and I suspect it will be a long time before I am ever under such scrutiny again. Thank you for the crash course in resilience and general stress management. It was extremely difficult for me and I am , again, grateful for this amazing chance.

    For those of you who doubt the integrity of this win – I cannot meaningfully address your claims because they are not supported by any evidence for me dispute. All I can say is, we did out best – try to respect that.

    Whatever is next I sincerely thank every one who provided fair insight, concern and support. I also sincerely thank everyone who hated blindly, accused falsely and wished the worst. You were the motivation throughout this crazy thing called the Deathmatch. Thank you all Spring Valley, Ramapo, Suny Alb and everybody else that carried me through this.

    I wish I had some amazing, clever little thing to say here but I don’t. I do however remember going though the comment section from the previous deathmatch and deciding I was not going to compete the way some others did. The Deathmatch is what you make of it. I might have been the most exciting winner of this but like I said before, I am not a performance actor. I do not do a lot of dancing. My advice for the next batch of gladiators- when the punches come roll with them. Keep your head down and keep marching, you might get where you’re going sooner than you think.

    I appreciate it and will always be grateful. Until next time.

    – Nana K.

  53. Lindsey H.S says:

    Congratulations Nana on your amazing win! I started following the competition rather late in the game, but even at the point from which I picked up, it was easy to see that you were the underdog. I saw all of the malicious, disgusting attacks on your story, writing capability, and personal character. I also saw that despite all of the negativity you kept a sound head and did not stoop to the level of your adversaries, showing true dignity and class. The Bible says that, “if God is for us, who can be against us?” I believe that your win in this competition has given me greater insight and a deeper appreciation for this verse. Your victory has left me truly inspired. Nana, you are an amazing writer, but more importantly an amazing human being. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, God bless!

  54. Fajer says:

    Congrats to nana on an epic win…what a comeback kid…I will be following to see whats next for you, not cause im hating but because you are a rising voice, and i sincerely hope you get something out of this comments feed besides the posturing and back and forth bravado. I meant all my criticism to be as constructive as possible and I sincerely hope you see that.

    I have to say I am sad that it has resorted to gloating, name calling and accusations on both sides of this feed. Too much polarization and not enough compassion…two very different stories were presented that appealed to completely different types of people. Social networking played a factor, but so did technical problems that affected international voters and those voting from devices…hey all is fair in love war and deathmatch right?

    Jeanie regardless of what is said here you are still a winner in my book. You comported yourself admirably, stepping up to defend your opponent against some strange accusations, you inspired a tremendous following that eagerly awaits your next exploits, and you have garnered AMAZING exposure and raising 15000 (!) votes is no joke and nothing to be ashamed of. Something good will come to you girl. Believe it.

    Congratulations to BOTH of you for making it this far and for being such gladiators. Be well stay kind and above all keep writing.

    Best

  55. Anti Bee says:

    Wow!

    No, that would be me, i have been spreading “his” story through my blog with 14K followers, and my facebook pages asking people to vote HONESTLY [hahaha], all together 25K people.

    remarkable…

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  57. Lauren W. says:

    David,

    Do you know what you sound like? What makes Jeanie so deserving of winning? The best man won. So it’s okay to throw dirt at him and say he supports rape and bullying. But its alright for you (Jeanie supporters)to stalk his life on social networks that are irrelevant to the competition and use it against him and hoped that people wouldn’t vote for him. Seems to me that you’re the ones playing dirty. The racism and hate in this competition was so disgusting. You tried to do everything in your power to break Nana and his supporters. How about you take the “L” and be gone.

  58. Bob says:

    I’ve literally seen people promo-ing him over every single social networking site I have (fb, twitter, tumblr, IG). And these are people with thousands of followers/friends. When I tried to vote for Nana and it told me server errors, you know what I did? I kept refreshing my page until those errors were corrected. Persistence is key.

  59. Noimnotnanayoufools says:

    Finally, to all the people who think they have an argument about Nana fabricating multiple comments under different names. Makes sense that he can send 3 comments at the same time does it? Simple observations like these can spare you spending a minute of your life writing foolishness.

  60. David says:

    Jeanie’s supporters mobilized and voted, all over the globe, inspiring people with thousands of followers, through Twitter and Facebook. Why is it that hundreds of our votes didn’t count, when we were ahead by 700 votes ? Tainted beyond tainted… but people that wanna win by any means, don’t care. Wow, so amazing to win that way. Stone cold… you da maaaan… I look forward to reading your pulp fiction in the future.Nice sweaters ya got there, Nanananana,anonymos, Emily, Lashley, etc… what a frickin joke ! Jeanie could teach your college course with her mad skills sucka… I’m outtie… wipin the dust off my feet, and lookin forward… Hey mom and dad, I won a writing contest today, by playin dirty, and makin a bunch of college kids feel so baddddass… glorifying bullying and gang rape. Aren’t ya proud mom and dad ?

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  61. Grace says:

    Wait, are you implying that there was some sort of plan to high tech override the system and shut it down so that people who specifically came to vote for the other person couldn’t vote? Is that what your saying? When I received error messages (happened at least 8 times through the week) I restarted my phone or refreshed my browser and it worked. If this is the get out the vote strategy applied to the other story it makes good sense that you guys lost.

  62. Mikael says:

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    Nana: Good job on this! Sucks that people are still calling you a rapist, although that twitter drama comment was a little dark and questionable. Glad to see you made it through and I hope your meetings go well!

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  63. Joseph says:

    Both parties wrote a great tale. Both are worthy of winning. In the end so many came together to offer support, but let us not forget the artist in front of us. Nana, Jeanie, I am proud of both of you. To make it this far. To stand by such amazing works. I can never say I could do the same. You both have gifts. SO I thank you both for your words. For now let us all celebrate for coming together in the name of writing!

  64. Nina says:

    And after all that’s said and done … more was done than said. CONGRATULATIONS NANA! BLUES GANG. BELIEVER THEORY. <3

  65. David says:

    As usual, Nana is communicating through several characters. Always has. Has been manipulating opinion through different means, like this, for the whole contest, and disrespecting so many people, like JoShmoe and Jeanie’s sister, and I can only surmise that where he comes from, that passes for clever. A total lack of integrity is sad. Karma will show up, don’t worry. The server hasn’t worked right for days, and the leads you have overcome were huge, and done quickly, when supporters of Jeanie couldn’t vote. Straight up. No lie. Not a hater. I ain’t high… For two days, my votes have gone to both you and Jeanie at the same time, when I voted for Jeanie. No response from Moderator, which is also suspect, but who knows ? It is disappointing because Jeanie was ahead by almost 1000 votes, and then the voting didn’t work for myself, or many of our friends, and her supporters. I am not lying or making it up. What exactly have you won, by cheating ? Stone cold zip… Jeanie will continue on, writing brilliant well crafted, enjoyable stories, that appeal to peoples hearts. Quite the victory. I bet your momma is real proud of what you choose to put out in the world: adolescent woman hating, misogyny. You are the man.

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      Thank you, David for being the shining example of a sore loser & sharpening the tip of my point ;). We, Nana’s supporters, have been busting our asses to rally votes for Cardigan Blues. The server went down BECAUSE OF US. WE DID THAT. The “VOTE” button on the LEFT side got tired and needed a little water break because WE wore it out. US. Nana’s Supporters. So the whiney sob story is cute and all, but extremely exhausted. I believe you should just go to bed now. Call it a day. You tried 🙂

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        • ________ says:

          _._____________________
          ___________________________________________________ 20 _______ ________________________________________
          _____________ ____ 30 __________________ ______________________________________________________
          20 ______ _________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ 18,000 ____ ___________________________________________________
          ____________________________________________________
          __________________________________ _______________

        • vita youth says:

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    • Nellie says:

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        owners|web owners} and bloggers made good content as you did, the {internet|net|web}
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        {Please|Kindly} {allow|permit|let} me {realize|recognize|understand|recognise|know} {so that|in order that} I {may just|may|could} subscribe.
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        {Perhaps|Maybe} you {could|can} write next articles referring to this article.
        I {want to|wish to|desire to} read {more|even more} things
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        Ahaa, its {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {discussion|conversation|dialogue} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} {here|at this
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        me also commenting {here|at this place}.|
        I am sure this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} has
        touched all the internet {users|people|viewers|visitors}, its
        really really {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} on building up new {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}.|
        Wow, this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious},
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        Way cool! Some {very|extremely} valid points!
        I appreciate you {writing this|penning this} {article|post|write-up} {and the|and also the|plus the}
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        Hi, {I do believe|I do think} {this is an excellent|this is a great} {blog|website|web site|site}.
        I stumbledupon it 😉 {I will|I am going to|I’m going to|I may} {come back|return|revisit} {once again|yet again} {since I|since i have} {bookmarked|book marked|book-marked|saved as a favorite} it.
        Money and freedom {is the best|is the greatest} way to change,
        may you be rich and continue to {help|guide} {other people|others}.|
        Woah! I’m really {loving|enjoying|digging} the template/theme of this {site|website|blog}.
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        with this. {In addition|Additionally|Also}, the blog loads {very|extremely|super} {fast|quick} for me on {Safari|Internet explorer|Chrome|Opera|Firefox}.

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        These are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} ideas in {regarding|concerning|about|on the
        topic of} blogging. You have touched some {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {points|factors|things} here.
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        you guys {are|are usually|tend to be} up too. {This sort
        of|This type of|Such|This kind of} clever work
        and {exposure|coverage|reporting}! Keep up the {superb|terrific|very good|great|good|awesome|fantastic|excellent|amazing|wonderful} works guys I’ve {incorporated||added|included} you guys to
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        a look|look it over|take a look|check it out}.

        I’m definitely {enjoying|loving} the information. I’m {book-marking|bookmarking} and will be tweeting this to my followers!
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        {I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what
        you guys {are|are usually|tend to be} up too.
        {This sort of|This type of|Such|This kind of} clever work and {exposure|coverage|reporting}!
        Keep up the {superb|terrific|very good|great|good|awesome|fantastic|excellent|amazing|wonderful} works guys I’ve
        {incorporated|added|included} you guys to {|my|our|my personal|my own} blogroll.|
        {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey} would you mind {stating|sharing} which blog platform you’re {working with|using}?
        I’m {looking|planning|going} to start my own blog {in the near future|soon} but
        I’m having a {tough|difficult|hard} time {making a decision|selecting|choosing|deciding} between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
        The reason I ask is because your {design and style|design|layout} seems different
        then most blogs and I’m looking for something {completely unique|unique}.
        P.S {My apologies|Apologies|Sorry} for {getting|being} off-topic but I
        had to ask!|
        {Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hey there|Hello|Hey} would you mind letting me know which {webhost|hosting company|web host} you’re {utilizing|working with|using}?
        I’ve loaded your blog in 3 {completely different|different} {internet browsers|web browsers|browsers} and I must say
        this blog loads a lot {quicker|faster} then most. Can you {suggest|recommend} a good {internet hosting|web hosting|hosting} provider at a {honest|reasonable|fair} price?

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        thanks|Thanks}, I appreciate it!|
        {I love|I really like|I like|Everyone loves} it {when people|when individuals|when folks|whenever people}
        {come together|get together} and share {opinions|thoughts|views|ideas}.
        Great {blog|website|site}, {keep it up|continue the good work|stick with it}!|
        Thank you for the {auspicious|good} writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
        Look advanced to {far|more} added agreeable from you! {By the
        way|However}, how {can|could} we communicate?|
        {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hello|Hey} just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
        The {text|words} in your {content|post|article} seem to be running off the
        screen in {Ie|Internet explorer|Chrome|Firefox|Safari|Opera}.
        I’m not sure if this is a {format|formatting} issue or something to do with {web browser|internet browser|browser} compatibility but I {thought|figured}
        I’d post to let you know. The {style and design|design and style|layout|design} look
        great though! Hope you get the {problem|issue} {solved|resolved|fixed} soon. {Kudos|Cheers|Many thanks|Thanks}|
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        page}.|
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        I’m having {a tough time|problems|trouble} locating it but,
        I’d like to {send|shoot} you an {e-mail|email}. I’ve got some {creative ideas|recommendations|suggestions|ideas} for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
        Either way, great {site|website|blog} and I look forward to seeing it {develop|improve|expand|grow} over time.|
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        Just wanted to {tell you|mention|say} keep up the {fantastic|excellent|great|good} {job|work}!|
        Greetings from {Idaho|Carolina|Ohio|Colorado|Florida|Los
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        {site|blog}!|
        Its {like you|such as you} {read|learn} my {mind|thoughts}!
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        I visited {multiple|many|several|various} {websites|sites|web sites|web pages|blogs} {but|except|however}
        the audio {quality|feature} for audio songs {current|present|existing} at this {website|web site|site|web page} is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely}
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        Greetings! {Very helpful|Very useful} advice {within this|in this particular}
        {article|post}! {It is the|It’s the} little changes {that
        make|which will make|that produce|that will make} {the biggest|the largest|the
        greatest|the most important|the most significant}
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        {I really|I truly|I seriously|I absolutely} love {your blog|your site|your
        website}.. {Very nice|Excellent|Pleasant|Great} colors & theme.
        Did you {create|develop|make|build} {this website|this site|this web site|this amazing
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        and {would like to|want to|would love to} {know|learn|find out} where you got this from or {what the|exactly what the|just what the} theme {is called|is named}.
        {Thanks|Many thanks|Thank you|Cheers|Appreciate it|Kudos}!|
        {Hi there|Hello there|Howdy}! This {post|article|blog post}
        {couldn’t|could not} be written {any better|much better}!
        {Reading through|Looking at|Going through|Looking through} this
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        {Thank you for|Thanks for|Many thanks for|I appreciate you for} sharing!|
        {Wow|Whoa|Incredible|Amazing}! This blog
        looks {exactly|just} like my old one! It’s on a {completely|entirely|totally} different {topic|subject} but it has pretty
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        {There is|There’s} {definately|certainly} {a lot to|a great deal to} {know about|learn about|find out about} this {subject|topic|issue}.
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        {Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, I {log on to|check|read} your {new stuff|blogs|blog} {regularly|like every week|daily|on a regular
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        Keep on posting!|
        {Hi there|Hello}, I enjoy reading {all of|through} your {article|post|article post}.
        I {like|wanted} to write a little comment to support you.|
        I {always|constantly|every time} spent my half an hour to
        read this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}’s {articles|posts|articles or reviews|content} {everyday|daily|every day|all the time} along with a {cup|mug} of coffee.|
        I {always|for all time|all the time|constantly|every
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        post page to all my {friends|associates|contacts},
        {because|since|as|for the reason that} if like to read it {then|after that|next|afterward} my {friends|links|contacts} will too.|
        My {coder|programmer|developer} is trying to {persuade|convince} me to move to .net from PHP.

        I have always disliked the idea because of the {expenses|costs}.

        But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using {Movable-type|WordPress} on {a number of|a variety of|numerous|several|various} websites for about a year and am {nervous|anxious|worried|concerned} about
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        Is there a way I can {transfer|import} all my wordpress {content|posts} into it?
        {Any kind of|Any} help would be {really|greatly} appreciated!|
        {Hello|Hi|Hello there|Hi there|Howdy|Good day}! I could have sworn I’ve {been to|visited} {this blog|this
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        {Disgrace|Shame} on {the {seek|search} engines|Google} for {now not|not|no longer} positioning this {post|submit|publish|put up} {upper|higher}!
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        {Thank you|Thanks} =)|
        Heya {i’m|i am} for the first time here. I {came across|found} this board and I
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        think|I believe|I do believe|I do think|There’s no doubt that} {your site|your website|your
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  66. 958 says:

    The best always wins in the end, right?
    thats what a competition is all about.
    Clearly nana is the better opponent so YAAAY congratulation to you!!!!!
    Great story!!
    Your talents will be awarded and recognized!

    Peace.

  67. BMO says:

    And the United States will officially be annexing all land north of the 49th parallel between the states of Maine and Washington. We shall call this new land “CaNanada”. Congrats Nana!!!

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  68. Nai says:

    From the very beginning of this competition, Nana has been the target of many disgusting allegations and insults. Competitors have attacked his character relentlessly, and he has never broken his integrity to throw stones back at the peasants. Nana has a strong support group because of not only his fantastic talent of painting pictures with words, but also because he is a humble, upstanding human being who we(his friends) are extremely proud of. I do not, after reading thru weeks worth of comments, expect Jeanie & friends to bow out gracefully. Grace and tact have proved to never be your strong suit. But thank you. For a great competition, and untimely an even greater win for Nana.
    CONGRATS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Noimnotnanayoufools says:

      In all fairness to Jeanie, I think she’s turned out to be display exemplary sportsmanship. Much respect to her for writing a story worthy of over 15k votes and not reducing herself to much of the drivel her supporters have dished out.

      But yeah, glad Cardigan Blues made it through all the hacks and attacks.

  69. aNONymous says:

    I’M COPPING A METALLIC SUIT AND I’M GOING TO DO THE HARLEM SHAKE FOR A REAL WINNER

    GO NANA!!

  70. aNONymous says:

    DRINKING EVERY NIGHT CAUSE WE DRINK TO MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS

    DRIZZYY

    *POP CHAMPAGNE FOR A REAL WINNER*

  71. nananananananana-goodbye says:

    SORE LOSERS ALWAYS PUSH ACCUSATIONS OF CHEATING WHEN THEY’RE LOSING.
    NA-NA-NA-NA. NA-NA-NA-NA. GOOD-BYE.

  72. aNONymous says:

    “PEOPLE MAKE THREATS, CAN’T HEAR EM OVER THE LAUGHTER
    YEAH, THAT’S CAUSE I’M HEADED TO THE BANKKKKKK”

    DRIZZZYYY

  73. Sophia Rose says:

    Dear Nana,

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    • Nina Mosley says:

      LOLOLOL! How much reahcing can you do ma’am. He’s ahead because he has the support of his peers and countless others who favored his story over The OffBeat. Dont underestimate the power of determined college students+social networks. No cheating or defamatory comments required. I cant say the same for his opponent or her supporters. Dont be a sore loser. Have a coke, a smile and CONGRATULATE THAT MAN! Or you can continue to be mad..either way Nana wins and will prosper because he worked diligently and honestly for it. Stay strong though hahaha 🙂

      • Lexie J says:

        Haters!!!!! Congrats Nana! I worked over time these last few hours gettin friends of friends of friends to vote!

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    • Levin says:

      Really intriguing you would make a claim like that without any evidence. As far as the crash goes, I am pretty sure it happens when a server overloads due to the amount of tickers, votes and the amount of people on a specific url.

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  75. David says:

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  76. David says:

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  77. Jeanie Keogh says:

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  78. Katelynn says:

    Today is the final day to vote so I would like to put in some final say about the stories.

    I have been a “Cardigan Blues” supporter from the start but this round has made it difficult.

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    Thank you.

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    “He would organize my curls into coiled springs and fiddleheads, taking on the project like it was a daunting, but highly important task.”
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    “He lifts his orange batons in a Y, a grounded bird showing a big-winged beast how to rip through the bruised sky, and fly.”

    Jeanie, thank you for sharing your graceful story. xo

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  80. Daniel says:

    damn why are people reaching so hard. these negative comments sound like something you’d see from conspiracy junkies. they don’t realize that even though they’re spewing b.s , its still having negative results on people’s view of Nana & his chances of winning. Some of you need a reality check if you really think his story is over the top or anything that we don’t know. Instead of thinking hmm there has to be some twisted evil reason he wrote this the way he did, why not take it for what it is. & just so you know when i read these comments i’m picturing them coming from a whiny @ss condescending voice. You don’t sound smart or logical using eloquent words to bring somebody down. Its like taking a sh*t & spraying perfume on it.

    Anyways now that I’ve ranted enough
    both stories were good reads,
    i thank the people who made a lot of constructive comments that i agreed with. I think some of them actually will help the writers with progressing. which should be the main goal of these comments

  81. Jeanie Keogh says:

    Hello, This is Jeanie. The actual Jeanie, sorry I couldn’t figure out how to sign in under the Deathmatch thing. You’ll just have to take my word for it. I also rather like the idea that some of you will think this is not me when it is, given the bizarre claims made above.

    I spent a lot of time thinking about Nana on International Women’s Day. I also think alot about my mom on Father’s Day. And when it’s Black History Month I think about East Indians. Forgive me, I must be culturally dyslexic.

    While 99 per cent of us claim to not be racist, and would even be vehemently offended if someone called us that, there are many things about someone’s culture that we would not see as racist, but which are. For example – most of us believe that a young black man must identify with the horrid rap on the radio about gun wielding pimps and hoes. A woman wearing the veil must be subserviant and uneducated, a Jew must have a lot of money, be six degrees of separation from Hollywood, and be neurotic and paranoid. And so begins the paradox of having black friends but still “wondering” about a black man or “being unsure about the hidden motives of” a young black man that we don’t know.
    By way of example, I am going to be 100 per cent honest and say that Nana’s nationality, age, style, race (not a complete list) influenced how I interpreted his story. I let myself say, I don’t like him. Does that make me racist? Maybe no more than it makes me a nationalist or an ageist or a feminist, but it is still part of the way I relate to him, non-racist that I am.

    We would all like to say that it was a confluence of factors, which is what we all use, all the time, to judge each other, and in this case, judge Nana.

    This is our internal dialogue – okay so you are black, what KIND of a black person are you, educated or not? From Burundi or from Atlanta? Were you adopted by a white family or did you live in the ghetto and become a self-made man?

    We use these judgments until we know a person.
    And then, once we know them we allow ourselves to say “I am not a racist”

    So what’s to be done about these “filters” that we use as a cultural barometer to assess characters we DON’T know?
    The biggest problem is that some people have one filter – this person is black, I know what I think of them.
    Add a layer – this person is a black MAN, I know what I think of him.
    And so on.
    The problem that takes much longer to get rid of are the people who think they have lots of other filters to judge someone’s character (age, social status, level of income, etc) when really, they are just like the person who has ONE filter, they just have better ways of convincing themselves that they are not racist. And I’d like to do away with these people because being white, I might not have a clue whether they are racist or not because they hide behind accepted stereotypes. It’s subtle and clever, but it’s still racism.

    Where am I going with all this? Nowhere apparently.
    Read the stories, leave INTELLIGENT comments and vote.

    • Emily's BFF says:

      I don’t even know where to begin with unpacking all the different layers of wrong in this post, Jeanie. So I’ll keep it short: you are HUGELY mistaken in thinking that there’s a whole lot of “us” or “we” who see things the same way you do.

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      • Philip says:

        Not only insightful but honest and humble and honest and realistic and honest. A writer has to be honest to be a writer…honest about themselves and the world they see. I see better where you are coming from, Jeanie, as a writer. Thanks for that.

    • Jeanie Keogh says:

      A note on the above – please replace racist/racism with any other ist/ism you might have – sexism, nationalism, ageism, etc. Read it using the said replacements.

  82. Ellie1 says:

    Nana, I tried to post everything that I spoke about above, but the moderators wouldn’t allow it for some reason, otherwise the information mentioned would be “out there” for discussion. You may have a good explanation. I don’t know you. Maybe you’re just playing, maybe you didn’t mean harm, and just don’t get that sexual assault is nothing to joke about or make light of ? The photos are of you wearing a cardigan that is expensive and fits well, and you have several others. Why you ? Why not several white guys modeling them, like in the story ? It is all curious. Nana, the fact is that you wrote about a subject that is painful and traumatic for a high percentage of women in society, in what many who have written on this feed, considered to be an insensitive and callous manner, and continue to avoid and attack others. You could have taken the opportunity to NOW speak about the topic in a mature, sensitive, and considerate way. Such a conversation would in no way take away from your possibility of winning this, or show weakness. If anything, taking responsibility, showing sensitivity and inviting positive debate, might have actually made you appear to care, and improved your image and chance of winning.

    • RJ says:

      Are you for real? So because he self markets, and because he wrote that perspective, he must have experience with it/ support’s it. Sounds like the prime example of the fundamental error of attribution. You’re ridiculous. Reread your comment, you sound bat-sh*t crazy.

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  83. Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah says:

    Because I’m curious I genuinely want to know why you bought up the YouTube video. Please expand on how that video suggests that I do the things in the story , also please post a link to the video so ppl can see it.

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      you don’t have any thing to do with jamming the web site
      for the last 1/2 hour or so do you?
      funny thing that…

      • No, that would be me, i have been spreading his story through my blog with 14K followers, and my facebook pages asking people to vote HONESTLY, all together 25K people.

        I dont have any affiliation with them in any way shape or form.

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  84. Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah says:

    Ok so what was the point of bringing up the YouTube video. You are digging into my character making claims that are completely baseless and kind of random. The pictures illustrated the narrative, that’s it. The fact that you genuinely think that those pictures were made to intimidate woman is , frankly , dumb and worse it takes away from Jeanie and her more reasonable supporters . Please stop digging so hard , stop reaching – it makes you look desperate.

  85. Ellie1 says:

    Hmm, Nellie, Nana, I predicted that the race card would come out, so thanks for saying that. Ethics have zero to do with racial background. That Nana is a black man, is irrelevant. I have friends of many racial backgrounds. Have had several very close black friends. Vancouver doesn’t play that black/white racial divide, like NYC does, we are extremely multi-cultural. But good pushback move, lol… you are so transparent. That Nana thinks it’s hip to promote himself, in a photo, dressed in a cardigan, in a bathroom, with a bottle held in a threatening manner, acting like ONE OF “THE CARDIGANS”, and a photo of a woman in the same men’s room, is insensitive, definitely not written with the later intention, he talks about on this feed… and talking about bitches and hoes on his blog and in Twitter, is relevant. It’s relevant to the people who voted for him, thinking that his story had deeper meaning… and to the dozens of women who read his story, and were reminded of their own painful experiences. There is a huge feminist population in Vancouver, where women aren’t intimidated so easily, Nana, er Nellie ?

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  86. Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah says:

    Please, stop it. You are coming off as ignorant for
    several reasons
    1) The picture you are referring to is part of a series of pictures taken to promote
    This story and the contest

    2) the tag line to the blog is a quote from a song that is about overcoming people that wish you harm.

    3) that video was made to highlight the ignorance that got Trayvon Martin killed.
    I will post all these things when I get access to a computer

  87. Ellie1 says:

    What I just posted, which is being moderated, is a photo of Nana in a stylishly photographed picture, in a cardigan, in a bathroom, with a bottle of booze, gripped like a weapon. Additionally, a video, showing two different characters, one similar to Carlton on Fresh Prince, another badboy gansta… additionally, his tag line on his blog:
    “I got this, f*ck these, haters f*ck these hoes” /// Follow me @NK_Adjei /// Twitter

    All relevant. Because people have been voting for him based upon his revisionism, and believing that he was taking a broader view. If he wrote Cardigan Blues, based upon his personal viewpoint, and experience, I think readers should know.

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  88. Lei says:

    I honestly dont understand how the story on the right can have so many votes. It’s good…for a bedtime story. There’s no plot. Its boring. The story on the left is realistic it catches you I can visualize the charecters. Yes she gets raped but she’s not the first and it wont be the last person. This stuff happens everyday. People need to stop being so sensitive these are real life issues. I’m still voting for Cardigan Blues every hour because I think it was beautifully written

  89. Ellie1 says:

    Just read Oakley’s post which echoes mine (and my “identity here was taken, so I ain’t no hater)… and all “they” respond with to his comment, which is well considered and obvious, is “idiot”… where’d Lashley disappear to ? A troll like that would continue his attacks, it is an anonymous forum, after all ? Cheating like that, taints the contest… but Nana is very young… Oakley, what he said, I agree with “there is something profoundly uncomfortable for me to think of a writer, sitting alone in their house, pretending to be other people to support themselves and level criticism at those who dare to defy. Call me an idealist, but I prefer story-writing that seeks truth and honesty. Nana, I think you fully grasp the power of this comments section as part of the contest, but it is also part of your story writing, that public forum around your product. A brilliant tactic for DM, yes, but why feel the need for smoke and mirrors? It leads me to think that while perhaps, Nana, your development as a writer has not yet caught up to your writing.” Absolutely. Just hope the best woman wins…

    • Oakley says:

      Also good points. But I wouldn’t consider it ‘cheating’; rather, misleading and running counter to a writer who is supposedly engaging truthfully and honestly with the subject matter of his story. I don’t begrudge, just observe. Jeanie could be doing the same thing, but I don’t get the same flags raised, so I’m more inclined to trust.

      • Nellie says:

        Because it’s too difficult to believe in the integrity of a young black man. How dare you insinuate that people commenting are alternate accounts. How pathetic you must think this man to be. To hell with the both of you.

  90. Ellie1 says:

    Hmm, Nice to see Jeanie up by 500, gotta keep voting for her better writer, more creative, multi-faceted, compelling story… I hate to say it, and maybe all the strange posts I have seen have made me cynical, but how long before we have a (fake) racist post, and then pop, up comes the race card (as Nana brags about out there in the public domain. Or maybe, some false feminist post, with a woman talking about the well developed, thought provoking flat simplistic almost RAPE story… the Offbeat isn’t designed to manipulate your base emotions… it’s actually a beautiful piece… far from generic, but nuanced and enjoyable, may be even autobiographical ? Can’t believe that Nana or one of his friends fake posted under my name… still upset about such manipulative cheating 🙁

    • Carl says:

      Ellie, your subjective comments offer little to no value to the writers. It’s already been reinforced this round but the scope of this contest extends beyond the stories’ subject matter. You say you read all of Cardigan Blues to be objective. I have yet to see a comment with some sort of unbiased babble. Please spare me from reading your attempts of making critiques of either story.

      Ellie’s ‘arguments’:

      “This story is beautiful! 😀 That story is negative and insensitive to women. 🙁 Her writing is enjoyable! YAY!! He’s cheating, commenting under false names. Boo.

      Your accusations have no credibility here. To believe with such certainty that someone would waste their time commenting under “fake” names and fabricate opinions is almost as laughable as the attempt to make others believe it without supporting evidence.

      Now excuse me while I be all hipster cool and continue “celebrating life and what is positive”. Yay!!! Or is that impossible if I occasionally enjoy reading dark and gritty stories.

    • RJ says:

      Hard to understand what you were trying to say. To many straw-man arguments to sift through. Might want to work on that.

  91. Amp says:

    There’s only thing worse than an idiot is one with an idiotic opinion that he/she feels the need to share.

  92. Oakley says:

    I’ve been following Deathmatch since Round 1, pouring over both stories and associated comment sections. My hat is tipped to Broken Pencil for fostering some very interesting conversations about writing, life, the universe and everything. I never thought such meaningful commentary in an online forum was possible.

    That being said, I simply don’t trust any ‘pro’ comment about Nana’s story to not be written by Nana himself. From ‘God’ to ‘Nellie’, and all the ‘anon’s in between, it’s been interesting how the pro-Nana voice has been consistent through the Rounds: mostly, deflecting the criticism about significant points raised in writing subject and style by instead personally attacking the age/sex/perspective of Nana’s opponent. I’m happy to see in the final DM round that Nana is responding to the writing and tone questions. There is a lot to unpack in his story, because I think with such a story, and coming from such a young writer, there is that responsibility (as others have said) for the writers to help navigate readers to understand the reasoning behind and in the story. This either comes out in the story, or in the public spaces which surround it.

    If the unreliable narration from the story is also present in the DM comments as I suspect, it makes me less inclined to support Nana’s story (no matter how much I like it, and I do) because I don’t like having to fight a writer to get an understanding of the story from them, and because there is something profoundly uncomfortable for me to think of a writer, sitting alone in their house, pretending to be other people to support themselves and level criticism at those who dare to defy. Call me an idealist, but I prefer story-writing that seeks truth and honesty. Nana, I think you fully grasp the power of this comments section as part of the contest, but it is also part of your story writing, that public forum around your product. A brilliant tactic for DM, yes, but why feel the need for smoke and mirrors? It leads me to think that while perhaps, Nana, your development as a writer has not yet caught up to your writing. Is there such thing as literary puberty?

    Nana, I think your story is like a large pair of shiny, alligator shoes you still need, as a writer and as a person, to grow into. Jeanie, your story I feel is like a finely-aged wine sitting in Margaret Atwood’s cellar: perfect for sunny Sunday afternoons, but not the Monday Night Football scene. Both stories and this whole Deathmatch make me glad I’m alive and literate. Now if only the admins could fix this pesky voting button issue….

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    • Oakley says:

      We don’t know and we can’t know. Only Nana knows for sure.

      I’m not claiming all comments are, because that is absurd. But I fail to see how my claim is idiotic: rather, it seems a pretty logical tactic to employ when competing in Deathmatch, in which success in the contest is based partially on writing craft, social networks, and public opinion. Why *not* maintain the integrity of the writers’ personal voice, while employing other voices to manipulate the discourse to capture that ‘swing vote’ of readers not affiliated with either camp? When a contest is not just about two stories, but instead becomes an epic struggle between old and young, men and women, Canadians and Americans, good and evil, look how the votes fly!

      My feelings stem from observations of the tone and language in the Nana versus not-Nana-but-pro-Nana throughout this contest, and how and when these voices were employed through the comment section. It’s easy to avoid responding to hard questions being asked of your craft when that comment is buried under comments which attack the criticism and lead the conversation down another trail. When ‘God’ starts making comments in a writing contest where one of the competitors opines on his ‘Believer Theory’ philosophy in other forums, flags get raised. I’m not interested in McCarthyist trials here, but simply raising it as a personal observation of the entire contest.

      No hate! But then you’ll have to take my word for it.

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    • RJ says:

      What if Oakley is just Jeanie?! Or half the other people offering similar praise?! Hmmm yeah does sound just as stupid.

  93. Nellie says:

    If Jeanie wins it’s because people like to play it safe. Point blank. Taking into consideration where these people are in their careers, Jeanie’s story should have taken the reader somewhere farther than into the musings of an aging woman filled with pity for the man-child-ex-lover she’s wasting her life babysitting. I honestly thought this story would take me somewhere past a pathetic string of hope, which is what I anticipated, but it let me down. As a woman, that POV just bores me; and furthermore, upsets me. Jeanie’s character is weak in willpower. Nana’s story pissed me all the way off. I had to put it down and come back. But, something that moves me in a direction is better than something that doesn’t move me at all. Nana’s writing is younger than Jeanie’s because he hasn’t had as much experience writing as she has – but his story is, at the least, a true story, with a climax and resolution. I’m a feminist, I’ve seen movies and read stories about sexual abuse/harassment/rape, I’ve spoken with survivors, and I’m a survivor myself. Nana’s POV was relatively new to me, to be completely honest, and while it angered me, it’s something worth reflection. His story is simply of high value than Jeanie’s. Prose, poetic language, etc., comes with time – but the ability to capture an audience and write something compelling is innate. Hat’s off to you Nana, whether you win it or not.

  94. Ellie1 says:

    I am so glad that the Offbeat, Jeanie’s better story: beautiful, detailed, intelligent, evocative of former love affairs as they disintegrate… I want to read the next chapter, Jeanie, lease write it. I was upset by the fake Ellie, somebody wrote under, but it has brought up a good point. It is obvious to me that this has likely happened again and again, by somebody lacking in sensitivity towards people and a lack of maturity or integrity. I have read back at posts that seemed unreal, and ones that caused sympathy towards Nana, and it is obvious, the emotional manipulation. Which is what his story is… I hope that people see through this, and vote for the more developed, enjoyable, inticate story. Without this comment feed, Jeanie would WIN EASILY I THINK.

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  95. Theeds says:

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  96. Brittany says:

    Hey, gang. I realize it’s Friday and both writers are probably busy “deathmatching,” but I have a question for them. Writers: I’m wondering what was the original “spark”, the inspiration that led you to write the story you did? Where was the story born and how?

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    • Nana K. Adjei-Brenyah says:

      First, that 10,000 Jeanie you’ve done an amazing job thus far no matter how this goes.

      I never had a “Eureka” moment with this story though. I knew I wanted to do something “different” voice but I don’t know what else really sparked this story. It kind of just came to me. I wrote the original version of this story over 2 years ago.