Introducing Sarah Steinberg

HELLO, MY NAME IS SARAH AND I AM ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK

Hello there. It’s good to see you. Yes, I can see you. I can see you from the corner of my eye (from the picture there). My eyes can also see the words you’re reading too. Wow! You are very handsome/pretty.

Anyway, you may or may not remember me from my column in the last issue, where I managed to avoid writing about the subject of women in comedy by talking about an old man who used to harass me. But just sexually. Today, I’d like to talk about my embarrassing addiction to (new) Facebook. For the record, I don’t hate the Internet. As a journalist, I would be lost without Wikipedia. It’s just that ever since my boyfriend and I split up, I’ve been spending a lot of time sleuthing around his page like a horrible, disgusting cyber-sheriff-cliché. Oh, two new friends, huh? Ah, he went to a birthday party in Arlington… but what is he doing with white wine? Since when does he drink white wine?! If this is something you can avoid doing the next time you get dumped, I highly recommend it. It’s not a good way to move on. I also recommend not getting dumped.

OTHER THINGS I COULD BE DOING WITH MY TIME INSTEAD OF BEING ON FACEBOOK

I could be jogging, or making dinner. I could be making friends, or seeing movies, or going to art openings and standing with a plastic goblet of wine in my hand saying things like, “Cable television? I don’t even OWN a TV!” But when you are addicted to something, everyday activities seem impossible. Also, the beauty of FB is that you can just pretend to do those things. Status Update: SARAH is working. SARAH is jogging. SARAH is lying in bed with a bag of Ringolos looking at pictures of her old high school friends’ wedding. With the Ringolos, I like to pop them on my fingers like rings, then eat the rings. They’re symbolically delicious.

OTHER THINGS I COULD BE READING INSTEAD OF READING ON FACEBOOK

I have subscriptions to three magazines. The New Yorker, The Economist, and SPIN magazine. Actually, that last one was his. It comes to the house every month with his name on it. I resent that SPIN mocks me. The Economist is another story. My name’s on that. It comes weekly and I put it on my dining room table. I think, I’ll read that later. After a few days, I move it to the bathroom. It becomes an expensive way of letting my guests know that I’m interested in foreign affairs and that I read on the toilet. I don’t know what I need it for anyway, when I can get all the political coverage I need from Facebook. Newsfeed: Katherine Bukowsky is Woot! Go Obama!!!

OTHER ADDICTIONS I COULD HAVE INSTEAD OF BEING ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK

I could be addicted to crack. Or scabies. Or to being optimistic! One of my best friends is an alcoholic. I, too, could be addicted to alcohol. When things got out of control, he went to rehab. It would be nice if there was FB rehab. At first it would be hard. My roommate at rehab would be all, “Status Update: CHRISTINA is not sure she can handle this!” and I’d be all, “SARAH is doesn’t like her new roommate at rehab.” In time, as we healed, we would learn how to enjoy life. Which is my new next big goal. Status update: SARAH is addicted to optimism!

Comments (0) | More from Issue 42 | More columns


 

42

14 Responses to “Introducing Sarah Steinberg”

  1. I just saved brokenpencil » Blog Archive » Introducing Sarah Steinberg on Digg, hope this helps get you more visits. Perfect with this particular write-up, I really think this site needs more due consideration. I’ll probably be returning shortly to read through a great deal more, thank you for the posting it is fantastic

  2. Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  3. Hrmm that was weird, my comment obtained eaten. Anyway I wanted to say that it’s good to know that another person additionally talked about this as I had trouble discovering the identical information elsewhere. This was the first place that instructed me the answer. Thanks.

  4. Zack Farrin says:

    I’m just commenting to let you know what a excellent discovery my child found checking yuor web blog. She learned some pieces, with the inclusion of what it is like to possess an ideal teaching heart to have the others with ease comprehend specified very confusing matters. You undoubtedly exceeded my expectations. Many thanks for distributing those good, healthy, revealing as well as fun guidance on that topic to Ethel.

  5. canape lit says:

    fantastic points altogether, you just received a new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your put up that you just made a few days in the past? Any certain?

  6. I must get across my gratitude for your generosity for men and women who require help on in this study. Your real dedication to passing the solution all-around has been remarkably beneficial and have constantly enabled those just like me to get to their dreams. Your new informative facts implies so much to me and additionally to my peers. Warm regards; from each one of us.

  7. I’m impressed, I should say. Actually rarely can i encounter a weblog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you can have hit the nail for the head. Your concept is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough persons are speaking intelligently about. I am extremely pleased i stumbled across this during my seek out some thing with this.

  8. Hello there, I discovered your weblog by way of Google at exactly the same time as seeking for a comparable subject, your site got here up, it seems to be great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  9. tv amr says:

    Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice when you amend your web site, how do i subscribe for the blog website? The account solved the problem a appropriate deal. I was small amount acquainted on this your broadcast offered vivid transparent idea

x
3
Posts Remaining