News:

Calls for Submissions

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The first image search result for “bro talk.”

Call for Submissions: Bro Talk

Bro Talk is a zine for male identifying people to talk about dismantling rape culture. The April issue is about body image, eating disorders, gender dysphoria, steroids, and all things bodily. Email brotalkzine@gmail.com

Calls for Submissions: Vandercave

The online humour magazine Vandercave has an open call for submissions until March 17 for its second issue. Vandercave is seeking humorous content in any form (writing, illustration, film, music, etc.). The website is here!

Call for Submissions: Death Flails

Winnipeg’s Janis Maudlin is kicking off a biannual literary compilation looking for submissions of experimental/alternative poetry, prose and maybe essays. No boring stuff please!
“sincere and ironic nihilistic radical anarchism” is a baseline politic for this, so what’s the worst that could happen? Deadline is April 20th 2015. Email luckyskeletons@gmail.com with the word “submission” as the subject.

“The Round About Nothing”

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SEINFELD

“The Round About Nothing”
EPISODE # 0507
A fan script re-enactment of the 2015 Deathmatch Final Round

CAST

JERRY…………………………………………..NIKOLA JAJIC
ELAINE…………………………………………TALITA VALLE
GEORGE……………………………………….CRAIG CALHOUN
KRAMER………………………………………BRISA LEMGRUBER

GUEST CAST
NEWMAN………………………………………”SARA”

ACT ONE

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – MIDNIGHT

ELAINE IS ON THE SOFA, SPEAKING TO SOMEONE ON THE PHONE. JERRY IS IN THE KITCHEN LOOKING THROUGH THE CUPBOARDS. GEORGE IS IN THE BATHROOM.

ELAINE:
This is hilarious.
[Laughs hysterically into receiver – bangs phone on coffee table – laughs hysterically into receiver again]
I’m not here.  I’m supposed to be here! Where am I?
[Throws phone across apartment]
Oh god. Where am I?

GEORGE:
[Screams out from behind bathroom door]
This is deadly serious!

JERRY:
[Searches frantically through the kitchen drawers and cabinets - cereal spills everywhere]
I’m so tired. It hurts. My bruises hurt, Laney.

GEORGE:
[ENTERS from bathroom. Tucking shirt into pants]
Alright, Elaine, calm down. So here’s what you gotta do. Just pretend that you’re really here. Even if you’re not here, someone will eventually notice their mistake. Then BOOM, you’re right back in, BABY!
[EXITS to bathroom]

JERRY:
[Finds prescription pill bottle in freezer. Takes out pills and grinds them on counter using a teaspoon]
Let’s do this!
[Does the drug. Slips down behind counter]

KRAMER:
[Bursts through door]
Elaine? Is that you? I can see you now! YEAH!
[Slips on spilled cereal. Curls into a ball and begins to purr loudly.]
There are ghosts.

FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. MONK’S COFFEE SHOP – DAWN

ELAINE, JERRY, KRAMER, AND GEORGE ARE SEATED AT THEIR USUAL TABLE. A WAITRESS ARRIVES TO TAKE THEIR ORDER.

JERRY:
[To Waitress] Well, my good woman, I think that I would like an Italian beef sandwich with giardiniera peppers followed by a Cuban sandwich. And a decaf coffee, please.

ELAINE:
[To Waitress] I kind of want a sandwich but I want a Big Sandwich, you know? Like a baguette with salami and so much butter that I can see my teeth marks. Can you do that?

GEORGE:
[To Waitress] Banh Mi for me, sweetheart.

KRAMER:
[To Waitress] Cat food. GIDDY-UP!

[They stare at one another, without speaking or blinking, for the next eleven hours. When their food finally arrives, KRAMER runs out the door into the street. Car horns honk. ELAINE shrugs.]

FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

JERRY AND ELAINE SIT AT THE TABLE, PLAYING SCRABBLE.

JERRY:
What in god’s name are we doing here? What kind of lives are these?

ELAINE:
I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking about The Day the Earth Stood Still. And about Puddy, I guess.

[Knock at door. NEWMAN enters]

NEWMAN:
Hello, Jerry.

JERRY:
Hello, Newman.

NEWMAN:
I couldn’t help but overhear your little conversation. I know what you are, Seinfeld. You and your ilk. It’s obvious from a mile away. You’re a men’s rights activist propagandist!

JERRY:
I am not!

NEWMAN:
Prove it then. Marry me, Jerry Seinfeld. I love you. I’ve always loved you.

JERRY:
I love you too, Newman.

[They kiss]

FADE OUT
END OF EPISODE

 

Indie Events Roundup: March 2 – March 8

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THE FUTURE is the theme of this week’s Unhealthy, Badly.

Tuesday, March 3

TORONTO

Art Bar Reading Series, 8pm, Black Swan Tavern, 154 Danforth Ave, free

Liz Howard, Ralph Kolewe, and Melanie Lefebvre read.

Wednesday, March 4

TORONTO

Brockton Writers Series, 6:30pm, Full of Beans, 1348 Dundas St W, PWYC ($3-5)

One of our favorite emerging writers series in the world is back! Zoe DiNovi speaks about Wattpad and online influence, followed by readings by Waubgeshig Rice, Hoa Nguyen, Joyce Wane and Karen Connelly.

WordSpell Spoken Word Showcase, 7pm, Free Times Cafe, 320 College St, $6+

An evening of spoken word featuring Sheri-D Wilson, Eyeda Sophia, and an open mic!

OTTAWA

Cross Stitch at the Intersections of Queerness, Feminism & DIY, 6:30pm, AIDS Committee of Ottawa, 19 Main St, free

A DIY craft night and facilitated discussion. Zine making, button making, string art, and more! All in the name of queer feminism.

Friday, March 6

TORONTO

Unhealthy, Badly #3, 7:30pm, 58 Stewart St, $5

The Future is the theme of this edition of DIY art party Unhealthy, Badly. Lots of new work plus a dance party!

Sunday, March 8th

TORONTO

When Women Rule the Night, 6pm, Beit Zatoun, 612 Markham St, $10 advance, $15 door

An evening of powerful performances,music, and art showcasing young women in honor of International Women’s Day. Music by DJ Afroditee.

IT’S THE FINAL ROUND OF DEATHMATCH

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Who will it be – Talita Valle’s “My Life As The Reincarnation of Dorothy Parker”?

Or Nikola Jajic’s “The Boogeyman”

YOU CAN DECIDE.

Go to our finals page, vote, comment and share your thoughts on these two amazing works! It’s about to get dirty!

May the best story win, and get our INDIE WRITER’S MAKEOVER!!!!

VOTE NOW.

Calls for Submissions!

 

[image via Twitter]

Call for Submissions: Short Speculative Fiction by Transgender Writers

 Topside Press is now accepting submissions for an anthology of short speculative fiction by self-identified transgender writers. Publication would be Fall 2016, and its paid! Deadline is December 1, 2015, so you have some time. Check out the post! 

Call for Submissions: Male Survivor Zine

Looking for personal experiences and ideas from male survivors of  sexual abuse and rape. Lots of suggestions and a basic framework for the zine here.

Calls for Submissions: Ottawa International Animation Festival

The OIAF is seeking new animated works to showcase in the capital this September. Check out their submissions page to see the categories and guidelines.

Call for Submissions: bpNichol Chapbook Award 2015

This award recognizes excellence in Canadian poetry published in chapbook form. The prize is awarded to the best chapbook, with the author receiving $4000 and the publisher receiving $500. Interested authors or publishers, submit three copies of a chapbook in English, published in Canada in 2014, to Meet the Presses by May 29, 2015. More info on their submissions post! 

Call for Submissions: Gay 4 Pay Press

Gay 4 Pay Press, a radical gay zine distro that our assistant editor Jonathan Valelly is involved with, is seeking submissions for two zines. The first is a second edition zine about consent in gay/MSM contexts, and the other is a zine about fantasies and turn-ons at the cusp of adolescence, asking — what turned you on before you knew what i meant to be turned on? Deadline for both is March 16, 2015.

The Close Shave

Story went, I’d been asked to moderate, to get the skinny on the Sad vs. Weirdo semi-final round of the 2015 Broken Pencil Deathmatch.

So I did. I lurked. I loitered. I kept my eyes peeled and the Deathmatch page on refresh. And so far it was quiet. Real quiet. Quiet like that couple driving in a car, right before the argument–the one that’s been brewing all day like a bad pot of diner coffee–begins.

Quiet like there’s probably more to this than meets the eye, like the kid who works at the deli, the one with the new limp who used to drive for what’s-his-name with the big house and the girlfriend half his age. And I’m talking the deli on 5th, pastrami-on-rye to die for. You get your pastrami-on-rye from anywhere else, you’re crazy, I tell you, nuts. Looney Tunes. Certifiable. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Deathmatch was real quiet. Yeah, sure, the votes were coming in like gangbusters, but the writers seemed relaxed. Maybe too relaxed. Only they knew for sure.

Roxanna Bennett, with her poem, “The Museum of Dead Presidents,” she said was first dreamed up on the subway. Tweets, she called ‘em. I asked the kid next door what that meant and he gave me this look like I was a dinosaur, washed up, old news. “Daddio,” he said, “you wouldn’t understand if I told ya.” What I did know was the lines were punches to the gut, raw observation and emotion poured out on the page. Skewers through the shrunken heart of what we called culture. And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

And then there was Nikola Jajic, with his story, “The Boogeyman,” a walk on the wild side. Whiskey and cigarettes. The nighttime is tickle time. Streetlamp glow and the promise of violence. As celebrities ran amok, drinking Singapore Slings and ushering in unholy man births. A freaky nightmare you could feel on your fingertips when you woke up and the kind of story gold you had to bite just to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

Who would advance to the finals? Sad? Weirdo? The question lingered. Only time would tell. The contest was close like a barber’s shave, less than 100 votes separating them. See, Broken Pencil gave the power to the Internet, to the people. And talk about quiet. I couldn’t tell if they were peaceniks or packing heat and just waiting for the scribes to turn their backs.

Well, two could play that game.

So I waited and watched, watched and waited. As I did, I sniffed the air. And you know what? It smelled like the calm before the storm.